Completely Random Friday Thoughts

Description Surviving a Long-Term Affair and Saving a Marriage
Transforming Communication and Parenting in a Troubled Marriage
Healing a Marriage by Confronting Insecurities and Building Trust
Religious Differences and Strengthening Marriage Bonds
The Affection Gap: Bridging Emotional Distance in a Long-Term Marriage
Workplace Dating Detours
When Blind Dates Go Wrong
Comfort Vs. Fulfillment In Modern Dating
Demanding Respect and Openness in a Relationship
Get Outta My Dating Pool
Seeking Clarity and Connection in Dating
Gym Flirting 101
Finding Balance in Love After Loss

I had to share a couple stories with you that made me laugh so hard I almost peed my pants. Because of my reaction to these tales I am almost 100% sure I am doomed to an eternity in hell. Heck-I want to be where the party is so I'm okay with this.

The first was when my grandmother told me her friend in Florida had gotten lost driving home from the old age home her husband was in. I know this is sad, but the lady drives this route every day and has for months...so her brain fart was my comedy fodder. I can’t help picturing this little old lady lost in the bowels of sunny, friendly, Florida.

Apparently she straight up panicked and called their other mutual friend Duchess (yup, that’s her name) freaking out. Now, she only made a left instead of a right on Rt. 19 and in no way was she in danger…so I feel I can laugh at her. She just kept right on driving, despite nothing looking familiar and never once thought to turn around and try the other direction. She also never considered stopping for directions despite the fact that her initial confusion started around 4:30 and well within daylight hours there.

My grandmother is describing her panic and the calls to Duchess and she is laughing too and then scolding me because, “Getting old and forgetting things is not funny! Wait till it happens to you.” Um, when it happens to me I fully expect people to laugh at my wrinkly ass! She does not have Alzheimer’s; I’m not totally cruel, she just wasn’t all there that day.

My Yiayia tells me that she was directionally confused because, and I quote, “Well you know she only has one eye.” Um…WHAT!? No, I did not know that Penny had one freaking eye. I’m sorry…what!? I lost it. I am picturing an old lady in a Florida style muumuu with an eye patch and lost in broad daylight when all she had to do was pull a U-ey. I mean…come on! That shit is funny. She was afraid to make a u-turn because she only has a left eye and was afraid she wouldn’t see cars coming from her right. Why is this woman driving!? A rant on old ass drivers that I will surely explore later! Her friend directed her to make a U-turn and she made her way home. End of story…but come on!

The next gem from today came from my friend Jacki who was cornered at by a drunken co-worker that we both went to college with…and then followed her into the work force. This guy was gaga for Jacki in college and had no shot then, nor does he now. He was the typical lacrosse player, cocky, slutty with snake like charm, and overall dirty. No way in hell is Jacki touching this guy…and she has told him as much. So even though he has been with his girl (who was married when the relationship started and has since divorced her husband) for 3 plus years he decided to drunken text her from across the bar table last night.

I believe the texts read something like this:

Guy: Are you in? You know I like you!
Jacki: No!
Guy: Come on…you know I’ve always liked you.
Jacki: Yes, we’ve been over this. I have never and will never like you in that way.
Guy: Why do you fight what we have?
Jacki: Because we have nothing and you are entirely too drunk to be having this conversation with!

The texting stops for a while but Guy proceeds to shadow Jacki all night long. When the party is wrapping up and the cabs have been called, Jacki, who drove and doesn’t drink, went to walk out to her car. Guy decided this would be the perfect time to invite himself back to her place. Jacki tried nicely to tell him to go back inside and that he was not invited back to her house. He proceeded to grab her and pull her towards him. She re-tells the story of her almost snapping her neck to keep her face away from his and I believe her.

The thing is, this guy was a notorious manwhore in college but never once did you hear the ladies saying, “You have got to sleep with Guy, he will rock your world in the sack.” Or anything of the kind. I can only assume this is because he was about quantity over quality and never having to work for pussy never had to work to be good with the pussy. If he was renowned around campus as being a great lover I’d tell her to take one for the team so we could all know what it was like…and being the dear she is…she’d do it…but no…that’s not the case.

Why do guys assume that getting drunk, professing their love, and getting pushy will work. Like we are supposed to say, “That’s right. Thank God you got stupid drunk and demanded I admit my feelings for you. You are so attractive in this state. Please, please take me right now!” That will never happen. That is not an attractive quality in a man.

So these are the two stories that made me laugh so hard I thought I was going to die. I had tears streaming from my eyes and cramps in my side. I am aware that laughing at these situations makes me a horrible person…and today I am okay with it.

I am off to see lights with Re and her son, then out for a girls night dinner followed by the bar with friends. I am hoping for laughs and good times. I’ll be sure and fill you all in on how the night progresses. J Have a wonderful weekend everyone.
Début de l'événement 24.03.2024
Fin de l'événement 24.03.2024